Dialectical Thinking and Behaviors

Have you ever had a “love-hate” relationship? Of course you have… like you love your partner even though she may often nag you to help out, and you love your father even though it’s annoying how much he repeats himself. That's because two seemingly contradictory things can both be true at the same time. We call this dialectical thinking. And believe it or not, it's not contradiction or hypocrisy, it's a healthy way to keep things in perspective. Life is not black and white. People are not *always* bad or *never* good.

Life is comprised of many dialectics, two simultaneous yet opposing truths. My favorite dialectic is: “I’m doing the best I can AND I want to be doing better.” This can apply to many situations. On the surface, doing the best I can AND I want to do better seem like opposite statements. Yet, I can imagine many times both exist right next to each other in someone’s life. Notice when describing these dialectical situations I’m using the word AND, not BUT! That’s intentional. If I wrote, “I’m doing the best I can BUT I want to be doing better,” the first part of that sentence doesn’t matter anymore. You’re left only with I want to be doing better, and that’s not a dialectical statement.

HINTS FOR THINKING DIALECTICALLY:

*Avoid words like “always” and “never”*
*Practice looking at other points of view*
*Remember that no one has absolute truth*
*Use “I feel” statements*
*Remind yourself that the only constant is change*
*Accept that different opinions can both be legitimate*
*Consider that we all have both good and bad qualities*
*Check out your assumptions – do not put words in other peoples’ mouths or expect others to read your mind*
*Try to appreciate how different from each other we all are and what a gift that is*